Trump: Hey Susie, you’re looking absolutely fantastic, nobody does it better! How’s the morning going? Did my posts on Truth Social and that failing platform “X” – terrible name, by the way – absolutely ROCK the world last night? Total game-changers!
Susie Wiles: Sir, you’re the greatest President in history, nobody even comes close! The entire planet is glued to your accounts. Your posts are sending shockwaves across the universe – markets trembling, governments in a frenzy. We’re doing phenomenal, the best any administration has EVER done!
Trump: Fantastic, just fantastic. I knew it! Show me the posts we’re dropping today – we’re gonna dominate!
Susie Wiles: Right here, Sir, the absolute best ammo for today’s battle!
Trump: Susie, you’re a genius, just brilliant. I love you, you’re tremendous. Fire off a post every 10 minutes, keep ‘em shook! Oh, and send Little Marco in, pronto.
Marco Rubio: Good morning, President. How’s the greatest leader in the world doing today?
Trump: Marco, we’re doing unbelievably great. I’ve made the world so peaceful, nobody’s done it better. What’s the latest?
Marco Rubio: Sir, Putin’s being stubborn, refusing to back down on the war. We need to hit him hard.
Trump: Vlad’s a tough guy, plays it close, but I’m tougher! Let’s slap a massive 500% tariff on any country touching his dirty oil. That’ll teach ‘em! What else?
Marco Rubio: The BRICS clowns are making noise in Rio, talking about ditching the dollar. It’s a disgrace!
Trump: Disgusting! Sleepy Joe let this garbage BRICS nonsense grow – total loser! Modi’s a great guy, loves me, always listens. I’ll tell him to dump BRICS – without the “I,” it’s nothing! Tell Ice Maiden to draft an order: 10% extra tariff on all BRICS countries. Done! Anything else?
Marco Rubio: That’s more than enough winning for today, Sir. Tremendous!
Trump: Absolutely, MAGA is unstoppable! Send Scott in, quick!
Scott Bessent: Good morning, President. I’ve got incredible news – the best! MAGA’s working like never before. Inflation’s down, lower than any president in history. Jobs are rocketing through the roof, corporations are raking tons of profits, and the people LOVE us!
Trump: Scott, that’s spectacular, nobody does it better than me! I’m posting this RIGHT NOW. Posts on truth Social – “I brought down costs more than any President in recorded history. The Crooked Democrats are using the opposite narrative, even though they know it is a total LIE. Remember this when you hear their phony soundbites. MAGA!!!” Takes a screen shot of the post and posts it on “X”.)
Why hasn’t that clown Powell cut rates by at least 2%? He’s a disaster!
Scott Bessent: Absolutely, Sir, Powell’s clueless, ignoring your genius advice!
Trump: We’re firing him ASAP, believe me. Anything else?
Scott Bessent: Just some MAGA chores to keep the momentum, Sir!
Trump: Tremendous work, Scott. Send Pete in, let’s keep winning!
Pete Hegseth: Good morning, President. How’s the greatest Commander-in-Chief doing today?
Trump: Pete, I’m fantastic, nobody’s better! Did you talk to Bibi? He’s a great friend, just terrific.
Pete Hegseth: Yes, Sir. Bibi says he’s not stopping until Gaza’s becomes the seventh district of Israel.
Trump: Bibi’s a winner, always delivers! I love him. Tell him to fake a ceasefire – just until I lock in that Nobel Peace Prize, it’s mine! Any ideas?
Pete Hegseth: Sir, he won’t listen to me, but invite him for a big Independence Day dinner – ask for the ceasefire as a gift!
Trump: Pete, you’re brilliant, just brilliant. Tell Ice Maiden to send Bibi a YUGE invite. Now get Howard in here!
Howard Lutnick: Good morning, President. How’s the greatest dealmaker in history today?
Trump: Howard, I’m phenomenal, nobody negotiates like me! What’s the deal with trade? Have we crushed all 195 countries yet?
Howard Lutnick: Sir, we’ve got ‘em all shaking! Threatened tariffs at 5%, 10%, 20%, 26%, 45%, 60%, 100%, 200%, 500% – they’re terrified!
Trump: Perfect! Is China paying up like I told Jinping?
Howard Lutnick: Sir, seems like they’re cheating, rerouting shipments through other Asian countries.
Trump: Jinping’s sneaky, but I’m smarter! List every country helping China and hit ‘em with a 45% tariff – BOOM! Anything else?
Howard Lutnick: Powell’s whining that tariffs are inflationary, says he can’t cut rates.
Trump: Powell’s a low-energy fool, but he might have a point. Pause new tariffs until end of July – by then, everyone will bow to my deals, and the Nobel folks will see my genius. That’s enough winning for today. Time for a quick nap – I’ve earned it!
